In depth case study by Tanja Sesum

P.S. female, 40 years old, married, one child.

P. is in the process of divorce with the husband. They came for the marital therapy. The problems are numerous: non existent sexual relationship for last 3-4 years due to her lack of sexual desire and lately her disgust for any physical touch from husband. Diminishing of the sexual desire started from the pregnancy (in her 35/year). Also, their marriage is suffering because he is not supportive enough as a parent and as a husband (he is not a good father and does not praise her as a mother, in her opinion). Very often they argue and after that do not speak to each other for days.

Her mother died when she was 11 years old from the cancer of womb. She has a 4 years older brother. Father has been dealing with the loss of his wife by working non stop (he is a cardiologist) and by inviting his own mother (very strict and cold person, in my client opinion) to live with them and to help them. She can not remember going to her mother funeral Father had never talked about his wife, her mother, after her death, as if she has never existed at all. Now their have good relationship She could not cry then and can not cry now because of her loss..

She is perfectionist and spends a lot of energy on cleaning the house.

She is also very consciences and idealistic by nature.  She can not stand the injustice even when it is not connected to her. She sees herself as a modern Don Kihot.

At the moment she feels tired, helpless, as if not living the life but enduring it, or suffering through it. When she is not tired, she is angry at the husband and nowadays they argue constantly. She does not see the point in staying together with him in marriage any more.

I phase - relaxation and realisation

First prescription:

Cherry essence – apathy with a dulled response to life, to develop more enthusiasm

Geranium Zdravac – listless energy, tired for no apparent reason

Lemon Balm Maticnjak – for extreme nervous tension, difficulty relaxing

Whild Parsley – for harsh standards  which are demanding from others

First follow up:

She is feeling generally better. Her energy is better, she is more relaxed and she sleeps better. Have more energy for work (in the office as well as at home) but she is angrier then ever. She can not stand her husband; some colleagues at work are irritating her so she could not pass the opportunity to tell them what she thinks about their political views. She is very politically aware.

Second prescription:

Daffodill – for perfectionist ideals

Gopsin trn for quickness to anger

Rusa – easily irritated, coping with hypersensitivity by showing anger

 – inappropriate expressions of anger as verbal abuse

 – for developing receptive listening, warmth in communication

Bagrem – for balanced cooperation with others, diminishing aggressiveness

Second follow up:

She does not have impulse to argue with the colleagues about the injustice in the politics any more. "I can not change anything by arguing with my colleges!" she said. But she started to write political comments under the pseudonym at the on- line newspapers. "That is the good way to express my rage and indignation for political injustice in our country and at the same time not to jeopardize my job" was what she told me. She is calmer and in the communication with her husband she was able to be constructive. That makes her very satisfied.

II phase – realization and recognition

At that point she recognized two major things: 1. that her anger is a defensive mechanism for her suppressed sadness and 2. that her judgmental attitudes and perfectionism were the cover up for the feelings of low self esteem.

According to that her next prescription was:

Dud – for contacting grief which is suppressed

Kopriva – for releasing tears of grief that have been held back during childhood

Jagoda – for developing feeling that she is loved and wanted and valuable

Paradajz – for developing courage to deal with grief, for balm for grief

Petunija – for ability to view her life within a larger schema of events


The follow up:

She complains that she is not feeling very well. She was crying for 3 days non stop and her husband called her brother in attempt to get her to the doctor. Fortunately at the hospital they gave her an infusion and some sedatives which she did not take. She had phoned to ask if she could stop taking flower essences for a while. But that did not happen because soon she slowly started to feel better. But at the follow up she said: "I never ever want to feel like that again!"

Also she got flu and her husband was so unhelpful and unsupportive that she got hysteric and throw him out of the house. Soon after that she felt even better.

Next prescription

Krastavac – for gentle release of deep and hidden emotions

Gavez – for balance and regeneration during healing process

Paradajz– for fear of losing control in experiencing deep feelings

Gorocvet – to keep the heart open in all therapeutic work

Follow up:

She starts follow up with this sentence: "Now that my husband is out of picture I can concentrate on my own neurosis!And I intend to do that through and through and once and for all" She was focused in the follow up on her being single parent. Experience of being single mother is helping her to discovery that she is very fearful as a parent (has a lot of anxiety concerning the health of her son) and also afraid that she will be bad mother. And that that fears is connected with early loss of her own mother. In her own words: "I realize that I am a child myself in a need for a mother. How am I going to be good mother to someone else?"

So the prescription was:

Mariposa Lily – for finding spiritual archetype of mother and mothering despite personal trauma

Breskva - for developing receptivity as a mother, trusting own intuition in mothering role, recognizing true needs of the child

Paradajz – for over fretful concern about child

Misjakinja – for tendency to see oneself as small and vulnerable child, low self esteem stemming from one s identity as a child

Ren – for accepting pain from loss in family of origin, to let go and move forward with life

 Follow up:

She initiates conversations with her father and brother about mother. She explored her childhood memories in the psychotherapy, as well. We had 5 psychotherapeutic sessions on that subject in which we did empty chair experiments, ritual of writing letter to the mother and even writing stories based on photo family albums. During that period (almost 3 months) she had 2 prescriptions which helped her deal with loss of mother in the childhood and to integrate different forms of treatment.

First one:

kOPRIVA – for healing core relationship with one's mother

bROKOLI – for attachment to childlike identity, unconscious compulsion to repeat childhood, getting stuck in inner child therapeutic work

cICOKA – for unconscious desire to merge with parents, over dependence on mother of family support

vLASAC – for integration of different therapeutic approaches received in the process of healing

rEN – for being hard on oneself in the healing process


The second one:

Vlasac – za integraciju unutrasnjeg muskarca I unutrasnje zene

Dud – for rejection of mother and mother role in family constellation

Misjakinja – for acceptance of shadow qualities in the healing journey

Ruza – for faith and perseverance when setbacks occurring in the healing process

Visibaba – for unwilliness to accept the slow process of healing


III phase – reaction, resistance, reconciliation

In this phase she started to focus on present and her day to day activities. She was feeling much better in her role as a mother. She was able to give her son much more affection and warmth. Most of her fears as a parent disappeared partially or completely, (especially regarding son's health or her role as a mother). Also, she developed a sexual interest in a colleague from work and they have had the romantic relationship that lasted for a couple of months. Also, her relationship with her now ex husband was gradually getting better. They were able to communicate friendly during the son's birthday and are cooperating much better regarding the visiting rights of the father. But sometimes when he was irresponsible as a father (in her opinion) some conflicts still occurred.

For next 6 months she had one combination that we repeated twice or thrice.

 Bela breza - to stop criticizing others

Ren - to promote tolerance and to get rid of the residues of bitterness

Slez - for developing non- possessive love and for developing an egalitarian romantic relationship

Jagoda - for further promotion of high self esteem

Smilje - to give her joy and easiness in everyday activities


IV phase - Renewal and Reconstellation

 "I am enjoying my life more the ever", was her words at the beginning of this phase. She was single mum, dating regularly, healthy and content.

But she decided to change her carrier and finally do something with her political activism. "There is a reason why I can not stand the injustice. If I do not try to change some injustice that is in my power I will never forgive myself. I want to do everything that I can to leave the better world for my son. But I am afraid, not too much to stop me doing it but a little bit. Just enough to keep me, you know, aware that politics is a dangerous business."

 So I gave her:

Mak - to give her an extra courage and for positive leadership as a woman

Visibaba - for high self esteem in completely new endeavor, with no fears

Rusa -for positive and charismatic leader

Angelica - to feel protected by higher realms and energies

Summary comments

This woman was working on her healing journey with me and Balcan flower essence for more then year and a half. During that time we have also 2 months of psychotherapy. Her brave journey shows extremely courageous person who made amazing changes during her healing transformation. I wish that more of my clients have that kind of dedication and persistence as this extraordinary woman.

My remark: She is very politically active (8 months after our last conversation) and her reputation is growing.